"This used to be my playground. This used to be my childhood dream". The song reverberates from a memory too long to acknowledge. a sore recollection of what once was a period where life was much simpler, happier, peaceful. Oh yes! I remember playing here, those round bars we call "Bumbero", those slides which used to look like an octopus but now seemed like a giant bird. The seesaw is not there anymore, the swings which caused me to have a bump on my head after jumping out of fear. Yeah, they're no longer there but I could still remember the fun and the laughter, reminiscent of lost youth. gone but never forgotten
And yes, I will never forget my 2nd school after nursery,La Immaculada Concepcion school where I spent Grade 1 and 2. If there's anything or anyone I will always look back to, its hearing the name of Mrs. Brown, the school's principal who seemed to live forever ( although she's gone now). She was a formidable character in our school. Fear was an understatement to describe how we felt about her, or was it just me? Funny that, it wasn't just her that made my stay at Immaculada a little bit traumatic, it was also her sons who were two of the first bullies I encountered in my studying years.
Alas! CBC. Colegio del Nuestra Senora Y Buen Consejo. Had only 4 years here but those 4 years would eventually made me realize that life wasn't all fun. This is where I received my fist rejections in joining clubs, those embarrassing moments when my sister had to gallantly go to the nuns to allow us to take exams on promisory notes, when my parent's didn't have money to pay for tuition, those times when my mom was asked to go to school because of some naughtiness that I did, those lunches I share with my sister, and those I didn't because we opted to split the money for more food during recess than eat at lunch. And those unforgettable scenes with the walls in my classroom that I was forced to talk to because no one wanted to accord me that favor. And that frightful time when I almost didn't graduate from elementary because again, I did something really surprising. (don't worry, it was just an academic issue not exactly what you think) Yeah, my elementary years wasn't as fun as most kids, but it helped me prepare for the challenges up ahead.
The Immaculada Conception cathedral was the parish church near our school and my brother's (Pasig Catholic College) Almost all of the spiritual ceremonies for our schools. Here, I learned most of the church songs, and I learned too as a kid that whatever we ask God, He will provide for us, as long as we were good. Maybe, our spiritual mentors didn't explain it in full detail, so our idea of "provision" was still far from real.
The "Mutya ng Pasig" was that big tower in the "palengke". At first, I was always embarrassed to go with my mom here because I was thinking " What if my classmates from the exclusive all girls school saw me here"? Surely, I was so stupid to think that way. But as the years passed, I've learned to love it and had in fact, looked forward to doing the marketing with my mother because she would always treat me for that delicious halo halo on the 2nd floor after buying the things that we needed. And yes, I will never forget that tower because I cried for hours when I got lost in this place, but had a bit of delight when an old man, took me in and gave me biscuits while we waited for my mom to find me. But now, the table had been turned. I've been crying for years whenever I remember how I had lost my mother, this time not for a few hours but forever.
The Pasig library is now a museum. This was where I read an encyclopedia for the first time. This was our go to place whenever my siblings and I would like to have fun renting a "game and watch" where we would play Popeye, Octopus, Donkey Kong and Parachute. I don't remember how much the rent was, but I would never forget the fun we had.
The "Scholar" was here. It was a bookstore we frequented when we had to quickly buy pen or paper, envelopes and other things. It was the favorite "tambayan" of the students then because while it reminded us of the things we needed in school, it also allowed us to have a place out of the academic premises where we could just chat and chill. But my recollection of this place was more of a heartache than a joyful moment. I remember a classmate of mine named Joan, asked me to accompany her to buy invitation cards for her birthday ( I vividly recall her birthday was January 31). After buying, we went back to our school and inside the classroom, she gave everyone an invitation card, everyone, except Me. And to add insult to injury, she even had to tell me bluntly. " Di na kita imbitahan, hindi ka rin naman makakapunta". (I will no longer invite you, for sure, you can't make it anyway.) You might think that I should just forget about this incident. But no! That moment opened my eyes to the reality of Expectations. A realization that we can't expect people to give us the same favor we give them.
My family and I were here in Pasig for 12 years until we moved to another place. It wasn't much of a choice. It was borne of circumstance more than anything else. My father kept on getting sick, and he could't get on a ship as a seaman, my mom tried her best working as a beautician, maintaining 3 parlors, the people who work for her, the beauticians, the maids, 3 kids all studying in 2 private schools (my sister and I both studied in CBC) and a husband she needed to attend to at times and a house which we could no longer pay for. Our landlady gave us more than a few months to pay, but we it was just too much to bear. It took a toll on my mother. And she was left to decide on her own. It was painful for her as it was for us. We never wanted to leave but we had to. Pasig was our hometown for so long, we knew a lot of people there, people who had helped us through our tough times.They were my mother's allies. She loved them as much as they did her. But as they say, "some good things never last. And it was time to bid this place goodbye.
My trip down memory lane ended today. It was unlike other places that I intently visit. In those journeys I took to marvel at the sites which left me in awe, this one was far from amazement. There's really no wondrous attraction to gasped about in these locations. There's not a mountain to climb, no waterfalls to refresh my mind, no pagodas or temples to be fascinated with, no cartoon character like Disneyland. The significance of this place isn't a happy one to boot. It might have a lot of fun memories here and there, but there were more sad ones too. So, what was I doing here? You might say, "Ah, there you go again, sounding melodramatic as ever, feeling so sorry for yourself again." Pardon me, if you think that way. But going back to this place I once called my home was more of reflection and remembrance. I told myself earlier today that I am and would act up to the instruction and to my God given mission of being a teacher. A teacher for all of you whom I would hope would be inspired by the lessons I learned from Life itself. A teacher for myself who would constantly remind herself that no matter what circumstances I go through, I will have to Tarry on because that's what life expects from me. And that is expected of YOU too. Sure there are moments, and trust me when I say, it never ceases, those moments when I just want to give up, throw in the towel especially when the challenges won't seem to end. But hey! these are also the same time when I tell myself that if I let those trials get the best of me, then it's like just throwing away the sacrifices and the battles I had won in the process of fighting.
True, some places in our lifetime are wrapped in pain and struggle but instead of wallowing, let's appreciate what we have and who we are and ponder on this, "Sometimes in life, it's not the place where we've been nor the place where we are right now that really matters, it's how WE get THERE!!!
